What happened to us?
Doesn’t everyone ask themselves this question at some point in time? Whether a relationship spontaneously combusts or slowly disintegrates, this is a question that baffles many people.
The truth is, you will never fully know the real reason(s) behind your break up. The reason for this is simply because you can’t read your partners mind. Some of you maybe reading this and maybe asking yourselves…what are you talking about? You may also be thinking that you know and fully understand exactly why your relationship didn’t work out. However, I’d dare say that you are wrong.
So many people believe that they understand the wrongs in their relationships, but they shouldn’t. While you may understand some of the general reasons why your relationship didn’t work out, you can never possibly comprehend your partners emotions and feelings toward you or your relationship know matter how much you communicate them. For example, you may think that you broke up due to trust issues, infidelity, long distance, or even lies. Your hypothesis is probably true, however, I’d bet my bottom dollar that there is more to it then just that; whether you know it or not. Other examples of reasons why you may think that you broke up maybe more specific. For example, you may think that your relationship didn’t/ couldn’t last because you cheated with their friend, hated their mother, or ran over their pet with your car. However, although these reasons are pretty specific these are not likely to be the only reasons that your relationship ended either.
In order to fully comprehend what happened to your relationship and why it did not work out. You must fully comprehend and embody your spouses state of mind and state of being which is nearly impossible unless you are some kind of medium that take over someone else and can feel what they feel. Not only that, but you have to think the in exact manner they do. So…are you a medium?…Well are you at least a mind reader?… No…I didn’t think that you were. Now that that is clear let’s get down to business.
Understanding that you will never fully comprehend what happened to you guys is step one in this program. Now moving on to step two. Ask your self what you thought was wrong with the relationship and where the problems lie. If you cannot come up with answers for step two you are clearly in denial and you will be addressed in another blog post. For those would did come up with answers, we can now move on to step three of the program.
Step three can be a tough one for some. Now that you have analyzed your relationship and have figured out reasons as to why you believe it failed, you can now dig deep within and ask yourself what part did YOU play in the issues at hand? The key to fulfilling step three is to stop pointing-the-finger. This never helps to resolve anything. Self-actualization will allow you to better understand your spouses point of view an it will better prepare you for step five.
Step four in this process is relatively easy in thought, but can be extremely hard in application. Right all of your wrongs. Ask yourself: what can I do to fix my flaws? In this step take special care and understand that by fixing your flaws you should not have to compromise who you are as a person. All that you are trying to do is improve yourself and make yourself better. For example, when your car has a minor problem such as a broken tail light…do you scrap the whole car? No. You simply get it fixed and BAMMM…Good as new. You might even get it washed afterwards just to make it gleam and shine in order for it to look just that much better than the way it did before the whole ordeal. That’s all that you should be doing with yourself.
Step five: have a civil meeting with your ex. Ask them what they believe your issues to be. Sit and listen quietly, patiently, and attentively. Once this is accomplished. Quickly, analyze which problems of theirs match the resolutions you came up with in step four and lay them on the table. Once this is completed. You should now speak on what things you had a problem with in the relationship and hopefully the conversation with your partner will take on a seesaw effect where you both are supplying input and giving feedback on each others problems and resolutions.
After step five is completed, you have now graduated from my program. You should now have a better understanding as to what happened to your relationship and what went wrong. From here, you can either decide to actively work on putting the pieces of your relationship back together (as long as it is something that both of you really want), you can decide to give each other some time or space apart, or you can decide to stand aside and just let it go. The choice is completely up to you. Whatever, choice you make at least you now have peace of mind because you now understand just what happened to your relationship
Leave comments below if you have any feedback for me or if you have any questions. And hey…if you just need encouragement just leave a comment .
Check out my blog again for future posts and updates.
Posted on October 27, 2011, in relationships, support and tagged break up, dumped, ecouragement, ended, heart break, help, how to, in love, love, out of love, peace of mind, split, steps, support, what happened. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.