Blog Archives

Oh my God…you moved on already!

Loving a person really messes with you; doesn’t it? There’s no feeling in the world that quite compares to love.

So, your relationship is over and you don’t know what to do with yourself. You are just sulking, reminiscing on the good times that the two of you shared when days were brighter. Your probably wondering what he/ she is doing right now and if they ever stop to think about you the way that you do him/her. Because of this you decide that it’s a bright idea to open your laptop or perhaps pick up your phone and look at their Facebook just to see what they have been up to. Now you are on their Facebook page wishing that you were apart of their day and checking to see if he/ she mentioned you at all. So now you’re reading their comments and statuses. You see that he/ she has added a new picture and they look really nice. You keep scolling and something catches your eye. You see that they have changed their relationship status from in a relationship with (insert your name here) to being in a relationship with someone else. Hey…you may even know the person. It’s now at this point that your blood starts to boil and you automatically think WHAT THE HELL!!!…

Of course the scenario may vary. Perhaps you heard about your old flames new relationship from a friend or, heck, they may have even told you about it themselves; but it goes without saying, that the initial physical reaction is probably based on the person and their personality. Some people may scream and curse and others may just be at a complete loss for words. However, that initial feeling of anger and bewilderment are pretty universal. Especially, if the two of you have just broken up.

This initial feeling is also completely understandable. I mean, when you stop and think about all of the times the two of you had and you may have said i love you. It is hard to fathom a person just throwing all of it away as if you and that thing you guys shared meant absolutely nothing. That can be extremely disheartening.  So, you know what? Go ahead and cry…I will wait…

Are you done now? Do you feel better?…because you can definitely cry a little longer if you choose to. Oh, you’re fine now? Good! Let’s get into it.

I do not usually condone crying, but in this case I believe it to be necessary and healthy. However, it is extremely unnecessary to cry for days and weeks and months, etc…Once you get your tears out of your system, you can now clear your mind and let go of some your pent up frustration toward your ex. Once this is done you can analyze the reason(s) that your ex moved on so quickly.

Once upon a time, not so long ago. I use to make assumptions about different aspects of my relationships and also about the people that I was involved with. It took me some time, but I learned that this is the wrong thing to do. 90% of people probably assume things in their relationships and about their spouses/ exes that are not 100% factual. With this said, it would not be wise to assume that you know the reason why your ex has moved on so quickly when you have not even asked them.

There can be many variables and factors that may play into the reason as to why they moved on as fast as they did. I will be highlighting some of the top reasons why people move right out of one relationship and into another.

Reason #1: Your spouse may have just not been that into you. I am sorry to say this,  but this is the truth in many cases. Maybe your spouse fell out of love/ like with you. Maybe your spouse never was in love/ like with you. This may just have to be something that you must digest. I know that it may feel like swallowing a ball laced with shards of glass, but if this is the case for you, it is necessary to face the music and realize that you are not getting him/ her back because they don’t want you! Don’t be mad at me. Just think of it as tough love. Don’t embarrass your self by trying to figure them out or trying to get them back because it is completely irrelevant and you will cause yourself to look desperate and THAT IS NOT SEXY. (Just saying)

Reason #2: This may just be a rebound. There is not a person on this earth that does not know or identify with rebound syndrome. A rebound is a living person that is used as human shield or bullet proof vest if you will. Let me explain. When a person gets out of a relationship (whether it be by their doing or another’s) some may tend to feel alone and anxious immediately after their split from their significant other. This is actually quite normal. In an attempt to become sane or normal again, a person may rush back into the dating field in order to occupy their time and masque whatever stress and anxiety they may have newly acquired  since their break up. Once they meet a person they think they may like or one that seems interested in them, they reel them in and wear their new prize as a bullet proof vest against emotions that they could not deal with after their previous relationship. Your ex now thinks that he/ she is exhibiting sanity. They will now flaunt the fact that they are now happy with someone else and are doing just fine without you. In most cases, this is all a show. Luckily for you, 9 times out of 10, rebound relationships do not work out. They are like bricks and mortar with no foundation. The relationship is sure to crumble. Unfortunately, an innocent outside party is going to fall victim in this scheme because they may genuinely like your ex, however, their relationship with your ex is/ was all smoke in mirrors. (You may also want to consider that you are that bullet proof vest that I am describing.) On the good side, you have a chance of getting them back if you want them back.

Reason #3: They are running. People believe this one to be a myth. However, do not be fooled! This is NOT a myth! As a recovering runner myself, I am here to tell you that we are alive & well and that we DO exist. This is a person that you will have to figure out. However, if you try and fail do not be discouraged for you are not the first and will certainly not be the last person that will attempt to do so. If your ex is a runner, you really need to dig deep and ask yourself if they are really worth it. You should also find out their TRUE feelings for you. Although, runners are alluring and slightly mysterious they are a handfull. Making a emotional connection with absolutely no dissension maybe hard to obtain. This can really mess with your head. However, if this person is not so mysterious to you and you KNOW for a fact that they love you, try to catch them if you can. If they do it again. Just let them go. It’s not your fault, they just have some issues. Let them be. (I will give you a clue into a runners heart. You know that they are at least fascinated with you, if not in love with you, when the mystery begins to fade and they become amazed and confused at the fact you see through them. This can also be sarcasm or acting so Beware!)

Reason #4: This relationship maybe not be something new. It just maybe new to you. This may be due to many different things. This may be because you did not pay attention to your ex and because of this they sought attention outside of the relationship and found it. This may also be because your ex is a Mac…ie. player, dog, pimp, cheater, or whatever you may call it. If this is the case, it is needless to say that you should probably get rid of them. Being with someone like that can never provide you a conducive relationship. Anyway, with reason #4, if you do decide that you want this person back, despite the circumstances or your specific situation, you will have to put in work. This person won’t usually take you back right away, but it is possible to regain their love and piece your relationship back together.

Reason #5: He/ she needed a change. If this is the case, it implies that this person is fickle. Whether you want to deal with a finicky personality is up to you. Just know, that if this is the type of person that you are dealing with, there are definitely ways to get them back. Some people need a change because they are bored and the routine is becoming agonizing. This person maybe right back or they may resist. Key to getting this person back is to identify the problem immediately and address it before someone new comes along that brings something completely different to the table. Some people need change just so that they can experience something other than you (which is what they are use to) this person usually comes right back. However, if they do not you can apply the same resolution as the bored person scenario to this one. However,  with this type of person I recommend that you let them go for awhile and if they come back, they are a keeper.

That concludes my top 5 reasons as to why someone may jump right into another relationship. If you have any comments or concerns leave your opinions below and let’s discuss them. If you like this blog post read some of my others and follow me.


What happened to us?

Doesn’t everyone ask themselves this question at some point in time? Whether a relationship spontaneously combusts or slowly disintegrates, this is a question that baffles many people.

The truth is, you will never fully know the real reason(s) behind your break up. The reason for this is simply because you can’t read your partners mind. Some of you maybe reading this and maybe asking yourselves…what are you talking about? You may also be thinking that you know and fully understand exactly why your relationship didn’t work out. However, I’d dare say that you are wrong.

So many people believe that they understand the wrongs in their relationships, but they shouldn’t. While you may understand some of the general reasons why your relationship didn’t work out, you can never possibly comprehend your partners emotions and feelings toward you or your relationship know matter how much you communicate them. For example, you may think that you broke up due to trust issues, infidelity, long distance, or even lies. Your hypothesis is probably true, however, I’d bet my bottom dollar that there is more to it then just that; whether you know it or not. Other examples of reasons why you may think that you broke up maybe more specific. For example, you may think that your relationship didn’t/ couldn’t last because you cheated with their friend, hated their mother, or ran over their pet with your car. However, although these reasons are pretty specific these are not likely to be the only reasons that your relationship ended either.

In order to fully comprehend what happened to your relationship and why it did not work out. You must fully comprehend and embody your spouses state of mind and state of being which is nearly impossible unless you are some kind of medium that take over someone else and can feel what they feel. Not only that, but you have to think the in exact manner they do. So…are you a medium?…Well are you at least a mind reader?… No…I didn’t think that you were. Now that that is clear let’s get down to business.

Understanding that you will never fully comprehend what happened to you guys is step one in this program. Now moving on to step two. Ask your self what you thought was wrong with the relationship and where the problems lie. If you cannot come up with answers for step two you are clearly in denial and you will be addressed in another blog post. For those would did come up with answers, we can now move on to step three of the program.

Step three can be a tough one for some. Now that you have analyzed your relationship and have figured out reasons as to why you believe it failed, you can now dig deep within and ask yourself what part did YOU play in the issues at hand? The key to fulfilling step three is to stop pointing-the-finger. This never helps to resolve anything. Self-actualization will allow you to better understand your spouses point of view an it will better prepare you for step five.

Step four in this process is relatively easy in thought, but can be extremely hard in application. Right all of your wrongs. Ask yourself: what can I do to fix my flaws? In this step take special care and understand that by fixing your flaws you should not have to compromise who you are as a person. All that you are trying to do is improve yourself and make yourself better. For example, when your car has a minor problem such as a broken tail light…do you scrap the whole car? No. You simply get it fixed and BAMMM…Good as new. You might even get it washed afterwards just to make it gleam and shine in order for it to look just that much better than the way it did before the whole ordeal. That’s all that you should be doing with yourself.

Step five: have a civil meeting with your ex. Ask them what they believe your issues to be. Sit and listen quietly, patiently, and attentively. Once this is accomplished. Quickly, analyze which problems of theirs match the resolutions you came up with in step four and lay them on the table. Once this is completed. You should now speak on what things you had a problem with in the relationship and hopefully the conversation with your partner will take on a seesaw effect where you both are supplying input and giving feedback on each others problems and resolutions.

After step five is completed, you have now graduated from my program. You should now have a better understanding as to what happened to your relationship and what went wrong. From here, you can either decide to actively work on putting the pieces of your relationship back together (as long as it is something that both of you really want), you can decide to give each other some time or space apart, or you can decide to stand aside and just let it go. The choice is completely up to you. Whatever, choice you make at least you now have peace of mind because you now understand just what happened to your relationship

Leave comments below if you have any feedback for me or if you have any questions. And hey…if you just need encouragement just leave a comment .
Check out my blog again for future posts and updates.

Blog #1: On The Road To Recovery


WelpThatsThat will be a blog geared to inspire.

Too frequently do people wrap their lives around their romantic relationships/interests and become completely distraught when the music stops. In my opinion, it’s an epidemic. This blog was formed with the intent to successfully steer people away from this epidemic. IT ISN’T HEALTHY PEOPLE!!!

While I am all for love and I understand love lost, I in no way condone those who begin feeling sorry for themselves and end up in that woe-is-me stooper that I am sure we have all witnessed at some point; either in ourselves or some one else. Not to mention, if you want that person back, sitting around feeling sorry for yourself will never increase your chances of accomplishing that goal because it is simply not attractive.

The aftermath of a break up can be treacherous and the task of completing the get-over-it process can be daunting. However, it is not impossible. It is because of this fact that I will be lending advice to whomever chooses to take it. Going through a break up can be hard. However, no one has to go through one alone. Encouragement and morale will be key.

So leave comments or suggestions and all will be addressed. Remember, you are not alone.