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Ever come across that person that is completely psychotic? They have just gotten out of a relationship and they will not just let it go. Is it just me or is that EXTREMELY annoying? Even if you ARE trying to get your ex back, isn’t that counter productive? Seriously, if you were their ex would you want to pick up the phone or pay them any attention at all? Because I sure would’t.

If you are one of these people or know someone who is, give them this piece of advice. GO SIT DOWN SOMEWHERE! On what planet do you give a begging dog attention or food?…None of them. What would you do if you saw a hungry stray dog or cat? Wouldn’t you feel sorry for it and shy away from it, simply because you know that if you give in or feed it it will come back for more; right? This is pretty much the same situation that an annoying ex puts themselves in everytime they pick up the phone, write an email, send a mention, or come by unannounced. THIS ISN’T CUTE! Why on earth would you be taken back when your ex is now either irritated or completely scared of you and your stalker-ish tendencies?

You know what you should do. TONE IT DOWN. Let your ex have their space so that they have time to think and reflect on whether they really care about you or not. If they decide they don’t, then do not fight for them. RUN AWAY! They are giving you notice to get away. Why be in a relationship where all of your emotions, effort, and love are not reciprocated due to a lack of appreciation and love from the other end. Isn’t that nerve racking? I would pull my hair out if I ever put my self in that situation. Not to mention, don’t you think that you are worth more? If your answer to this question is no, then please do yourself and everyone else a favor and exit stage left. Once you do that, seek therapy and then when you have completed therapy come back and join us.

Your spouse does not have to have your same exact thought patttern; however, their thoughts should have you in mind. It is not realistic to believe that you and your partner will agree on everything because you won’t. With that in my mind understand that due to differences your ex may just need some air. If they return than they probably love you and it is probably worth working on your relationship with them. If past circumstances in your relationship bear a ton of weight; then back up, re-evaluate, and drop the weight; but do not forget how the weight felt. This will allow you to start anew while keeping in my mind what not to do. Bringing up the past is also anoying and that’s clearly something that you will want to keep away from when trying to win them back or get back to the way things were.

As always, if you have any comments or questions leave them below. If you like what I am saying then subscribe and if you have any requests just let me know. Thanks for reading.

The Thoroughly Modern Guide to Breakups | Psychology Today

A more in depth look at breakups…the article is a little lengthy but check it out if you choose.

The Thoroughly Modern Guide to Breakups | Psychology Today.

Taking my ex back…

Getting over a relationship is tough. It’s even tougher moving on with your life when it’s cold outside. This may sound stupid, but I am serious. I am not the only one that has ever heard of, witnessed, or taken part in this phenomenon. It’s this time of year that people need indoor activities in order to remain active and social. What better ways to accomplish that while there is snow on the ground other than to date and mate with someone more permanent than usual? This is what my friends and I call Cuffing Season.

Cuffing Season can be deadly. I do not think that this season applies to places with less temperate weather; however, for the mid-Atlantic states of the US, this definitely applies. Cuffing Season has a tendency of pulling the wool over the helpless’ eyes. Just today, I was talking to a friend that happens to really like this guy who also likes her and every other girl in the tri-state area. She was only too elated to tell me that she and he are going to start being more serious. As her friend, I congratulated her because I know that this is what she has wanted for a long time now; but I was thinking in my head that first snowfall in NJ was yesterday and all of a sudden he has his eyes set on one girl? Anyway, not even 20 minutes later did I go on Facebook and see that he posted a status stating that it’s getting cold outside and that it is time to start wifing her up until summer= play time. All I could do was shake my head.

I also could not judge her simply because, not so long ago, I made the awful mistake of allowing Cuffing Season to pull the wool over my own eyes as well and got back with my ex. This, of course did not fair well for me. At first, everything was as beautiful and as blissful as it has ever been between the two of us. That first week was great. However, it clearly did not take long for our old issues to surface and make an appearance and things ended up getting real bad, real fast. During our time apart we had both grown into stronger, more independent (and more bull headed) people. Making our arguments 30x worse than they ever were before. Unsaid words from the past also resurfaced and the pent up anguish and frusation in that was also horrible. Even in all of that, we stayed together until it began to warm up simply because it was easiest and most convenient to keep each other company while it was cold. Sad, but true.

Needless to say, that once summer came we went our separate ways for good, however, I couldn’t believe that I allowed myself to take someone back just because it was cold outside and I wanted someone to cuddle with. Because he was familiar, it was easiest getting back with him simply because there wasn’t that sometimes awkward and arbitrary step of getting use to someone new. So, I would just like to advise anyone that is thinking about getting back with their ex to rethink it. Especially, if it is because you see everyone else getting together and now you feel cold and lonely due to Cuffing Season. Not a good move! Even, if it isn’t due to Cuffing Season, still just make sure that you fully understand what it is that you are throwing yourself back into. Like I always tell people, you broke up for a reason. However, if you are good at letting bygones be bygones, than go ahead. Take a shot at love again; but if you can’t, let it go. Seriously! It’s not worth the headache. Find a new hobby or something else to do. Bothering with the past, 9 times out of ten, is simply foolish.

Rejoice!!! Be happy!!!

Do you know what most people do after a break up? They cry and for a nice chunk of time after the break up, they feel sorry for themselves. They also occupy their minds with thoughts of the past. Welp, I say F*** that!

After your break up or split from your old flame I say THROW A PARTY. SERIOUSLY, it will start you out on a good foot. If you start out on a good foot, you will usually end up on a good foot. By that I mean that you will be capable of moving on with your life much more quickly than you normally would if were to, actually, go through the woe-is-me phase. And, hey, you don’t actually have to throw a full on party. You could go shopping; go out to dinner with friends; make yourself over; or you can just sing celebratory, independent songs around the house with a hairbrush in one hand and nothing but your underwear on. It does not matter how you celebrate. Just so long as you do it.

To often do people get caught up thinking about the good times in the past and wondering what went wrong or how it could be all over. Honestly, It doesn’t really matter; does it? Clearly, something went wrong somewhere and it did not make for a healthy situation. So, either one or both of you decided to call it quits. That’s Reality! Get over it.

Just remember, life is entirely too short to spend it down in the dumps over one other person in this sea of billions. Get over yourself and have some fun. Tomorrow can be a better day if you let it. That’s all I have to say about this topic. Plain & simple.

As always, if you choose to leave your comments below and if you need encouragement and you like what it is that I am saying then by all means follow me. I look forward to hearing from you.

Watch “MANTALK : HOW TO GET OVER SOMEONE” on YouTube

Although, I am not a man. I support this guy. This video was made by SupDaily06 on YouTube. I just so happen to love the advice that he is giving and thought some of you guys would likely find it useful and hey…if you can pop over to YouTube and subscribe to his channel. He’s a pretty cool dude..I back him 100% on this one.

Oh my God…you moved on already!

Loving a person really messes with you; doesn’t it? There’s no feeling in the world that quite compares to love.

So, your relationship is over and you don’t know what to do with yourself. You are just sulking, reminiscing on the good times that the two of you shared when days were brighter. Your probably wondering what he/ she is doing right now and if they ever stop to think about you the way that you do him/her. Because of this you decide that it’s a bright idea to open your laptop or perhaps pick up your phone and look at their Facebook just to see what they have been up to. Now you are on their Facebook page wishing that you were apart of their day and checking to see if he/ she mentioned you at all. So now you’re reading their comments and statuses. You see that he/ she has added a new picture and they look really nice. You keep scolling and something catches your eye. You see that they have changed their relationship status from in a relationship with (insert your name here) to being in a relationship with someone else. Hey…you may even know the person. It’s now at this point that your blood starts to boil and you automatically think WHAT THE HELL!!!…

Of course the scenario may vary. Perhaps you heard about your old flames new relationship from a friend or, heck, they may have even told you about it themselves; but it goes without saying, that the initial physical reaction is probably based on the person and their personality. Some people may scream and curse and others may just be at a complete loss for words. However, that initial feeling of anger and bewilderment are pretty universal. Especially, if the two of you have just broken up.

This initial feeling is also completely understandable. I mean, when you stop and think about all of the times the two of you had and you may have said i love you. It is hard to fathom a person just throwing all of it away as if you and that thing you guys shared meant absolutely nothing. That can be extremely disheartening.  So, you know what? Go ahead and cry…I will wait…

Are you done now? Do you feel better?…because you can definitely cry a little longer if you choose to. Oh, you’re fine now? Good! Let’s get into it.

I do not usually condone crying, but in this case I believe it to be necessary and healthy. However, it is extremely unnecessary to cry for days and weeks and months, etc…Once you get your tears out of your system, you can now clear your mind and let go of some your pent up frustration toward your ex. Once this is done you can analyze the reason(s) that your ex moved on so quickly.

Once upon a time, not so long ago. I use to make assumptions about different aspects of my relationships and also about the people that I was involved with. It took me some time, but I learned that this is the wrong thing to do. 90% of people probably assume things in their relationships and about their spouses/ exes that are not 100% factual. With this said, it would not be wise to assume that you know the reason why your ex has moved on so quickly when you have not even asked them.

There can be many variables and factors that may play into the reason as to why they moved on as fast as they did. I will be highlighting some of the top reasons why people move right out of one relationship and into another.

Reason #1: Your spouse may have just not been that into you. I am sorry to say this,  but this is the truth in many cases. Maybe your spouse fell out of love/ like with you. Maybe your spouse never was in love/ like with you. This may just have to be something that you must digest. I know that it may feel like swallowing a ball laced with shards of glass, but if this is the case for you, it is necessary to face the music and realize that you are not getting him/ her back because they don’t want you! Don’t be mad at me. Just think of it as tough love. Don’t embarrass your self by trying to figure them out or trying to get them back because it is completely irrelevant and you will cause yourself to look desperate and THAT IS NOT SEXY. (Just saying)

Reason #2: This may just be a rebound. There is not a person on this earth that does not know or identify with rebound syndrome. A rebound is a living person that is used as human shield or bullet proof vest if you will. Let me explain. When a person gets out of a relationship (whether it be by their doing or another’s) some may tend to feel alone and anxious immediately after their split from their significant other. This is actually quite normal. In an attempt to become sane or normal again, a person may rush back into the dating field in order to occupy their time and masque whatever stress and anxiety they may have newly acquired  since their break up. Once they meet a person they think they may like or one that seems interested in them, they reel them in and wear their new prize as a bullet proof vest against emotions that they could not deal with after their previous relationship. Your ex now thinks that he/ she is exhibiting sanity. They will now flaunt the fact that they are now happy with someone else and are doing just fine without you. In most cases, this is all a show. Luckily for you, 9 times out of 10, rebound relationships do not work out. They are like bricks and mortar with no foundation. The relationship is sure to crumble. Unfortunately, an innocent outside party is going to fall victim in this scheme because they may genuinely like your ex, however, their relationship with your ex is/ was all smoke in mirrors. (You may also want to consider that you are that bullet proof vest that I am describing.) On the good side, you have a chance of getting them back if you want them back.

Reason #3: They are running. People believe this one to be a myth. However, do not be fooled! This is NOT a myth! As a recovering runner myself, I am here to tell you that we are alive & well and that we DO exist. This is a person that you will have to figure out. However, if you try and fail do not be discouraged for you are not the first and will certainly not be the last person that will attempt to do so. If your ex is a runner, you really need to dig deep and ask yourself if they are really worth it. You should also find out their TRUE feelings for you. Although, runners are alluring and slightly mysterious they are a handfull. Making a emotional connection with absolutely no dissension maybe hard to obtain. This can really mess with your head. However, if this person is not so mysterious to you and you KNOW for a fact that they love you, try to catch them if you can. If they do it again. Just let them go. It’s not your fault, they just have some issues. Let them be. (I will give you a clue into a runners heart. You know that they are at least fascinated with you, if not in love with you, when the mystery begins to fade and they become amazed and confused at the fact you see through them. This can also be sarcasm or acting so Beware!)

Reason #4: This relationship maybe not be something new. It just maybe new to you. This may be due to many different things. This may be because you did not pay attention to your ex and because of this they sought attention outside of the relationship and found it. This may also be because your ex is a Mac…ie. player, dog, pimp, cheater, or whatever you may call it. If this is the case, it is needless to say that you should probably get rid of them. Being with someone like that can never provide you a conducive relationship. Anyway, with reason #4, if you do decide that you want this person back, despite the circumstances or your specific situation, you will have to put in work. This person won’t usually take you back right away, but it is possible to regain their love and piece your relationship back together.

Reason #5: He/ she needed a change. If this is the case, it implies that this person is fickle. Whether you want to deal with a finicky personality is up to you. Just know, that if this is the type of person that you are dealing with, there are definitely ways to get them back. Some people need a change because they are bored and the routine is becoming agonizing. This person maybe right back or they may resist. Key to getting this person back is to identify the problem immediately and address it before someone new comes along that brings something completely different to the table. Some people need change just so that they can experience something other than you (which is what they are use to) this person usually comes right back. However, if they do not you can apply the same resolution as the bored person scenario to this one. However,  with this type of person I recommend that you let them go for awhile and if they come back, they are a keeper.

That concludes my top 5 reasons as to why someone may jump right into another relationship. If you have any comments or concerns leave your opinions below and let’s discuss them. If you like this blog post read some of my others and follow me.