Ever come across that person that is completely psychotic? They have just gotten out of a relationship and they will not just let it go. Is it just me or is that EXTREMELY annoying? Even if you ARE trying to get your ex back, isn’t that counter productive? Seriously, if you were their ex would you want to pick up the phone or pay them any attention at all? Because I sure would’t.
If you are one of these people or know someone who is, give them this piece of advice. GO SIT DOWN SOMEWHERE! On what planet do you give a begging dog attention or food?…None of them. What would you do if you saw a hungry stray dog or cat? Wouldn’t you feel sorry for it and shy away from it, simply because you know that if you give in or feed it it will come back for more; right? This is pretty much the same situation that an annoying ex puts themselves in everytime they pick up the phone, write an email, send a mention, or come by unannounced. THIS ISN’T CUTE! Why on earth would you be taken back when your ex is now either irritated or completely scared of you and your stalker-ish tendencies?
You know what you should do. TONE IT DOWN. Let your ex have their space so that they have time to think and reflect on whether they really care about you or not. If they decide they don’t, then do not fight for them. RUN AWAY! They are giving you notice to get away. Why be in a relationship where all of your emotions, effort, and love are not reciprocated due to a lack of appreciation and love from the other end. Isn’t that nerve racking? I would pull my hair out if I ever put my self in that situation. Not to mention, don’t you think that you are worth more? If your answer to this question is no, then please do yourself and everyone else a favor and exit stage left. Once you do that, seek therapy and then when you have completed therapy come back and join us.
Your spouse does not have to have your same exact thought patttern; however, their thoughts should have you in mind. It is not realistic to believe that you and your partner will agree on everything because you won’t. With that in my mind understand that due to differences your ex may just need some air. If they return than they probably love you and it is probably worth working on your relationship with them. If past circumstances in your relationship bear a ton of weight; then back up, re-evaluate, and drop the weight; but do not forget how the weight felt. This will allow you to start anew while keeping in my mind what not to do. Bringing up the past is also anoying and that’s clearly something that you will want to keep away from when trying to win them back or get back to the way things were.
As always, if you have any comments or questions leave them below. If you like what I am saying then subscribe and if you have any requests just let me know. Thanks for reading.
Getting over a relationship is tough. It’s even tougher moving on with your life when it’s cold outside. This may sound stupid, but I am serious. I am not the only one that has ever heard of, witnessed, or taken part in this phenomenon. It’s this time of year that people need indoor activities in order to remain active and social. What better ways to accomplish that while there is snow on the ground other than to date and mate with someone more permanent than usual? This is what my friends and I call Cuffing Season.
Cuffing Season can be deadly. I do not think that this season applies to places with less temperate weather; however, for the mid-Atlantic states of the US, this definitely applies. Cuffing Season has a tendency of pulling the wool over the helpless’ eyes. Just today, I was talking to a friend that happens to really like this guy who also likes her and every other girl in the tri-state area. She was only too elated to tell me that she and he are going to start being more serious. As her friend, I congratulated her because I know that this is what she has wanted for a long time now; but I was thinking in my head that first snowfall in NJ was yesterday and all of a sudden he has his eyes set on one girl? Anyway, not even 20 minutes later did I go on Facebook and see that he posted a status stating that it’s getting cold outside and that it is time to start wifing her up until summer= play time. All I could do was shake my head.
I also could not judge her simply because, not so long ago, I made the awful mistake of allowing Cuffing Season to pull the wool over my own eyes as well and got back with my ex. This, of course did not fair well for me. At first, everything was as beautiful and as blissful as it has ever been between the two of us. That first week was great. However, it clearly did not take long for our old issues to surface and make an appearance and things ended up getting real bad, real fast. During our time apart we had both grown into stronger, more independent (and more bull headed) people. Making our arguments 30x worse than they ever were before. Unsaid words from the past also resurfaced and the pent up anguish and frusation in that was also horrible. Even in all of that, we stayed together until it began to warm up simply because it was easiest and most convenient to keep each other company while it was cold. Sad, but true.
Needless to say, that once summer came we went our separate ways for good, however, I couldn’t believe that I allowed myself to take someone back just because it was cold outside and I wanted someone to cuddle with. Because he was familiar, it was easiest getting back with him simply because there wasn’t that sometimes awkward and arbitrary step of getting use to someone new. So, I would just like to advise anyone that is thinking about getting back with their ex to rethink it. Especially, if it is because you see everyone else getting together and now you feel cold and lonely due to Cuffing Season. Not a good move! Even, if it isn’t due to Cuffing Season, still just make sure that you fully understand what it is that you are throwing yourself back into. Like I always tell people, you broke up for a reason. However, if you are good at letting bygones be bygones, than go ahead. Take a shot at love again; but if you can’t, let it go. Seriously! It’s not worth the headache. Find a new hobby or something else to do. Bothering with the past, 9 times out of ten, is simply foolish.
Doesn’t everyone ask themselves this question at some point in time? Whether a relationship spontaneously combusts or slowly disintegrates, this is a question that baffles many people.
The truth is, you will never fully know the real reason(s) behind your break up. The reason for this is simply because you can’t read your partners mind. Some of you maybe reading this and maybe asking yourselves…what are you talking about? You may also be thinking that you know and fully understand exactly why your relationship didn’t work out. However, I’d dare say that you are wrong.
So many people believe that they understand the wrongs in their relationships, but they shouldn’t. While you may understand some of the general reasons why your relationship didn’t work out, you can never possibly comprehend your partners emotions and feelings toward you or your relationship know matter how much you communicate them. For example, you may think that you broke up due to trust issues, infidelity, long distance, or even lies. Your hypothesis is probably true, however, I’d bet my bottom dollar that there is more to it then just that; whether you know it or not. Other examples of reasons why you may think that you broke up maybe more specific. For example, you may think that your relationship didn’t/ couldn’t last because you cheated with their friend, hated their mother, or ran over their pet with your car. However, although these reasons are pretty specific these are not likely to be the only reasons that your relationship ended either.
In order to fully comprehend what happened to your relationship and why it did not work out. You must fully comprehend and embody your spouses state of mind and state of being which is nearly impossible unless you are some kind of medium that take over someone else and can feel what they feel. Not only that, but you have to think the in exact manner they do. So…are you a medium?…Well are you at least a mind reader?… No…I didn’t think that you were. Now that that is clear let’s get down to business.
Understanding that you will never fully comprehend what happened to you guys is step one in this program. Now moving on to step two. Ask your self what you thought was wrong with the relationship and where the problems lie. If you cannot come up with answers for step two you are clearly in denial and you will be addressed in another blog post. For those would did come up with answers, we can now move on to step three of the program.
Step three can be a tough one for some. Now that you have analyzed your relationship and have figured out reasons as to why you believe it failed, you can now dig deep within and ask yourself what part did YOU play in the issues at hand? The key to fulfilling step three is to stop pointing-the-finger. This never helps to resolve anything. Self-actualization will allow you to better understand your spouses point of view an it will better prepare you for step five.
Step four in this process is relatively easy in thought, but can be extremely hard in application. Right all of your wrongs. Ask yourself: what can I do to fix my flaws? In this step take special care and understand that by fixing your flaws you should not have to compromise who you are as a person. All that you are trying to do is improve yourself and make yourself better. For example, when your car has a minor problem such as a broken tail light…do you scrap the whole car? No. You simply get it fixed and BAMMM…Good as new. You might even get it washed afterwards just to make it gleam and shine in order for it to look just that much better than the way it did before the whole ordeal. That’s all that you should be doing with yourself.
Step five: have a civil meeting with your ex. Ask them what they believe your issues to be. Sit and listen quietly, patiently, and attentively. Once this is accomplished. Quickly, analyze which problems of theirs match the resolutions you came up with in step four and lay them on the table. Once this is completed. You should now speak on what things you had a problem with in the relationship and hopefully the conversation with your partner will take on a seesaw effect where you both are supplying input and giving feedback on each others problems and resolutions.
After step five is completed, you have now graduated from my program. You should now have a better understanding as to what happened to your relationship and what went wrong. From here, you can either decide to actively work on putting the pieces of your relationship back together (as long as it is something that both of you really want), you can decide to give each other some time or space apart, or you can decide to stand aside and just let it go. The choice is completely up to you. Whatever, choice you make at least you now have peace of mind because you now understand just what happened to your relationship
Leave comments below if you have any feedback for me or if you have any questions. And hey…if you just need encouragement just leave a comment .
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